Exploring questions about punishment and abuse
Every month is the right month to learn from queer and trans CSA survivor leaders
It’s PRIDE month, and just like every month, is a great time to support queer and trans CSA survivor leadership. Queer and trans survivors of color have always lead the movement to end sexual violence and it’s more important than ever that we follow their lead.
With that said, I am delighted to share with you about an online event led by The HEAL Project, a queer and trans survivors of color organization working to end sexual violence.
Join me this Thursday with the HEAL Project for the When Harm Hits Home webinar!
Our friends Ignacio Rivera and Aredvi Azad of the HEAL Project are hosting a pay-what-you-can webinar this Thursday where we will be discussing how we feel about what happens to the people who commit harm.
Ignacio and Aredvi are two of the smartest people I know and have personally helped me to ask so many important questions about how I feel about sexual harm and healing in a way that feels so approachable and non-judgmental. They create the most special spaces, I am telling you!
I especially appreciate how I can come to webinars like this one and have completely conflicting feelings about my abuser like: I have revenge fantasies, but also I can’t stand the thought of my abuser being in prison and don’t really believe in prisons, and also I wish I knew I’d never have to talk to him again, and also I want to make sure he never harms another person.
Ignacio and Aredvi have helped me allow for all those feelings to be true at the same time and helped me to not be afraid of those feelings, but rather I feel safe exploring them with the two of them. Their webinars are like sitting down with your good friends who make it safe to explore tough questions.
So if you’re in a space where you are wanting to think more about what happens after the harm, how to do we break cycles of abuse, how can we respond to harm with compassion and thinking beyond punishment, then this is the spot for you! I would recommend this webinar to people who have been on their healing journey for some time and are in a place of wanting to ask big questions about how we, as a society, engage with people who abuse other people.
BUT WAIT, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE!
If you can’t make it or this specific webinar doesn’t seem like the right fit for you that’s okay! You should plug into The HEAL Project’s work and start following along on social media or their newsletter because they are always hosting events that are truly one-of-a-kind.
News from our movement
Professor Rachel Louise Snyder wrote a short and powerful op-ed piece in The New York Times this week entitled ‘It Sounds Really Dire Because It Is Really Dire’ about the realities of what domestic violence shelters, abuse hotlines, and advocacy services are going through under the Trump Administration. I recommend reading it because it is succient and effectively describes how funding for our movement works and what the real life impacts of that looks like for survivors.
Here’s an excerpt:
Much of the federal infrastructure that supports domestic violence programs is damaged or gone. The director of the Office of Family Violence and Prevention Services was placed on administrative leave this spring. One domestic violence advocate told me her organization has gone through four points of contact at the Department of Justice since February.
This chaos is happening throughout the country and is largely out of public view. While the enormous losses to science, education, development, arts, health and other areas dominate headlines, the local consequences — busted boilers, leaking roofs — are less visible. But they can be catastrophic for organizations that operate on shoestring budgets. It’s what makes the Trump administration’s approach to rooting out waste, fraud and diversity, equity and inclusion so maddening and brutish.
Neil McLean, the district attorney in Lewiston, Maine, told me he employs one of his office’s two full-time domestic violence prosecutors through a Safe Voices grant. This prosecutor is assigned to over 700 cases across one county. For context, this is more than 10 times the typical caseload of a local public defender. “It’s as bad as it sounds,” Mr. McLean said. “This is not one of the areas where we need cuts.”
Alisa’s TV TWs: 100 Foot Wave
I’ll keep this short and sweet: 100 Foot Wave is an HBO documentary series that is the most visually stunning show on television. We follow a cadre of extreme big wave surfers as they search for the biggest wave in the world to surf. It has really compelling characters, an interesting meditation on the psyche of extreme sport athletes, and truly unbelievable gorgeous cinematography. Did I mention the music is an original score by Philip Glass?!
If you’re short on time, I recommend skipping right to the recent third season which has a short and thrilling 5 episodes. Each episode can operate as a bottle episode and not really require any backstory to appreciate the extremely effective storytelling.
This is the only television show I put my phone down and keep it down the entire hour. If that’s not persuasive, I’m not sure what is!
Content warning: No mention of sexual violence or abuse. In Season 1, the main character is Garrett McNamara and he alludes to having a troubled childhood being raised in some sort of cult that left him traumatized, but it is never mentioned or referred to again. Separately, Garrett is kind of an asshole and can be irritating to watch, but the other surfers are so lovable and compelling.
Unsolicited video of the week
I decided this was the week to complain on the internet about how problematic it is that people are always recommending The Body Keeps The Score to survivors and to remind folks that I wrote a book that offers the same useful info on the science of trauma but is also survivor-centric, trauma-informed and full of survivor love and compassion.
Most people were cool about it, but some people were not. Shocking for the internet, I know. There was one comment in particular that drove me insane saying that talking about how my book is a better recommendation for survivors than The Body Keeps the Score is “skeezy.”
I got really mad and then I got that kind of feeling like you’re going to cry but not because you’re sad but because you’re so frustrated you have no where else to put it but out your eyeballs. Then I took the day, and by late afternoon I was ready to make a video as a reply and I thought you may all appreciate it.
Pick up your copy of Healing Honestly today!
While I do not fuck with AI, I do like this AI summary of the Amazon reviews of Healing Honestly:
Customers find the book's writing style relatable and genuinely funny, with one review noting how it validates each individual's story. Moreover, they appreciate its empathetic approach to healing wounds from past experiences, with one customer highlighting its value for both survivors and their loved ones.
Available at Amazon, Bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble and wherever books are sold. Available in paperback, audiobook and e-books!